Dec. 6, 2022

ALONE--- FOR CHRISTMAS.

There's an old saying "Misery loves company." It's not one-of-my- favorite expressions since I don't indulge in misery but, during the holiday season, I fight-- to stay positive.

I know I'm not alone when I say-- I dread Christmas.  I spent a lifetime glorifying God’s birth but now, without family, the Christmas Season challenges my heart.  There was a time when I loved singing beautiful Christmas music to celebrate the Birthday of the King---but--never again. Now, the music tears my heart to shreds as I remember my painful and heartbreaking past.

So, I stay busy.  I have no other choice. In early 2018, I moved from my “forever” home and, as so many times before, I started life over-again in another place.  Again, I forced myself to sell more of my lifetime treasures.  I marvel at how my heart can be broken so many times yet---miraculously—keeps on beating. 

Possibly one of my most challenging moments came when I watched my beautiful grand piano being moved-out of house--and my life--forever.  It was like watching a funeral procession for my dearest friend. My classic, Steinway grand piano had faithfully-responded to my familiar touch since the early sixties but now--because of spiteful humans--its magnificent strings have been silenced, forever. 

For me, a piano is much-more than an elegant piece of furniture. A piano is a magnificent source of music that shares a solo voice, a full orchestra, or a simple  melody.  A piano can create a moment of happiness or ongoing grief, but best of all,  a piano stands ready to produce the sounds of love--with only a touch.

Here in this new and still-strange place, I continue to sort-through storage boxes, determined to separate myself from decades of treasures. Day after day-- I unload photos, newspaper clippings, awards, journals, unpublished stories, and endless stacks of personal correspondence.  For all my years of living-on-the-move, it seems there was never time to pigeon-hole my life into multiple scrapbooks.  Apparently, there was only time to store my items in--yet--another box.

 Today, I’m still alone but—I have “no time” for loneliness.  My big dog Cubby and my two cats, Sugar Babe and Candy-- are always just-- one loving touch away.  And, I’ve formed lasting friendships with birds, raccoons, possums, squirrels, chipmunks--even deer-- who visit me regularly.  They know me, trust me, and together, we share a quiet and simple love.

 Some of my most-emotional collectibles are encased in a special box, marked with a hand-draw heart.  That box is filled with love letters and cards from past boyfriends--most who died--long ago.  I’ve re-read the love letters and notes more than a few times and will always treasure their youthful expressions of love. I can't help but wonder --what happened to all the love letters and messages I composed then sent to my young lovers? I wish I could remember WHY my past loves and I didn’t make it to-- ALWAYS AND FOREVER.  But, what matters most is—we loved with a special love that created precious memories for me--and hopefully--for them.

Every day I open another storage box and face yet- another emotional journey. Knowing time is limited, I now separate items into two stacks--- YES or NO.  I throw the Nos in a large trash bag and—when the bag is full, I immediately toss it in the garbage can.  I don't allow any time to “second guess” my decisions.

And--like Santa--I follow a long to-do list, trying to fill every hour of every day.  I stay busy—so time passes quickly. Hopefully--- Nothing Last Forever----even Christmas.

As I close-out the old and welcome-in the new.......I wish you love, happiness, and perfect peace.

Please Stay Close, Always.  Sally

Latest comments

17.10 | 01:42

I miss being Facebook friends with you! Hope you are well and happy.

Tammy Brookover Jay

15.10 | 01:28

Love all of this. I'm so lucky to be your neighbor,

30.08 | 16:26

Sally, my friend, I love your writings and sometimes they make me cry and then smile. I love you as if I had known you all my life. God Bless you each and every day in all you do.

29.08 | 19:19

Lol, I loved reading this story! As a female that dated a couple men with Harleys, I totally understand and met Harley Guy myself, many times over!
I hope you get your 3wheels someday soon!

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