IT HAPPENED August 1, 2011. That was the day everything changed for me. Yes, my Mother officially died that day and because of her death....I lost two daughters and two grandsons.
It is senseless to resurrect the details of that day's devastating loss. It serves no purpose for me to describe the moment by moment hurt, shock, and disbelief I endured for hours,
days… then years but--time helped me champion my loss. I have accepted what I could not and cannot change.
If you've read my book then you know about
my childhood. You know that my Mother despised me from birth and abused me in a thousand endless-ways. In order to live beyond childhood, I had no choice but-emotionally--"bury" my mother a long time ago. I NEVER HAD a traditional, loving mother.
After my daughters were born, my mother used them, "played" them against me, poisoned them with hate, and promised them, over and over, that someday they would have everything----her money,
her house, her jewelry---it would all be theirs and, I would have nothing.
August 1, 2011, my mother died and her promises came true. I was prepared for her
Evil and spiteful hate but, I wasn't prepared for my ultimate loss. My daughters locked arms with “Stepmother”…. their father's “Preacher”… and the local funeral owner. Together--they arranged a graveside service
for their Father’s family and a few close friends. I wasn't invited.
I was only allowed to "visit" my mother at the funeral home at a specific time
of "their" choosing and for only fifteen minutes. When I arrived at the appointed time, the funeral director "escorted" me to my mother’s casket. Looking at his watch, he reminded me I had fifteen minutes. He also said the family requested I not
be left alone with my mother... for even a minute.
It’s been more than ten years since I've seen or heard from my daughters. I can't imagine what lies they’ve
told my grandsons to explain my absence from their lives. Looking back, I never believed I could survive the hurt I experienced when my daughters turned their backs on me and walked away---without so much as a goodbye.
Devastated… I prayed to die and-- in fact-- made plans to end my life but God had other plans. He forced me to open my eyes and see he wasn’t finished with me; I had more to do.
My mother and my daughters never loved me but God loves me and every day... he shows me how to love myself. Over-time, I've accepted the most important of-all-facts: When we experience
God’s Love...and keep helping and loving others...we “hold the key” to ALL THE LOVE in the Whole-Wide-World.