The Date was August 1, 2011. That was the day everything changed for some but---most of all--for me. Yes, my Mother officially died that day and because of her death....I lost
two daughters and two grandsons.
It is useless to resurrect the details of that day's devastating loss. It serves no purpose for me to describe the moment by
moment hurt, shock, and disbelief I endured for hours, days, then years but--today--I have championed my loss; I have, at last, accepted what I could not and cannot change.
If you've read my book then you know about my childhood. You know that my Mother despised me from birth and abused me in a thousand endless-ways. In order to live beyond childhood, I had no choice but to---emotionally---"bury" my mother.
After my daughters were born, my mother used them, "played" them against me, poisoned them with hate, and promised them, over and over, that someday they would have
everything----her money, her house, her jewelry---it would all be theirs and, I would have nothing.
August 1, 2011, My mother died and her promises came true. I was prepared
for her Evil and her spiteful hate but, I wasn't prepared for my ultimate loss. My daughters locked arms with their Stepmother, their father's preacher, the local funeral owner, and together--- they arranged a graveside service for family and close
friends only, and---I wasn't invited.
I was only allowed to "visit" my mother at the funeral home at a specific time of "their" choosing and...for only fifteen minutes.
When I arrived at the appointed time, the funeral director "escorted" me to her casket. Looking at his watch, he reminded me I had only fifteen minutes. He also said the family requested that I not be left alone with my mother...
for even a minute.
Its been more than seven years since I've seen or heard from my daughters. I can't imagine what lies they must have told my grandsons to explain my long absence
from their lives. Looking back, I never believed I could survive the hurt I experienced when my daughters..... the two children I wanted and loved more than life.....turned their backs, walked away, and never said goodbye.
Yes, I prayed to die and, in fact, planned to take my life but----God opened my eyes to see the value he'd placed on me from my birth.
No, my mother and my daughters never loved me but God loves me and every day... he shows me how to love myself. Little by little, I've accepted the fact that....when God loves you...life is precious and always worth living.